Stitchy McYarnpants

Confessions of a husband-neglecting, cat-shooing, yarn-hoarding knitaholic. But in a good way.

Friday, January 28, 2005

So I was cleaning the litter box this morning . . .

You gotta love a post that starts with those words, don’t you?

But first, let me get the knitting stuff our of the way. Here is a new picture of the Tropical Shawl, all blocked. I don’t know if it looks much different than the previous pictures of it, but it had definitely changed. It’s less sproingy, flatter, more mature. I gave it to Charlene to send off to Florida today. I’ll miss it. I may have to make one for myself. Lord knows I’ve got the goods.



And here is the back of the Stitch n’ Bitch hoodie I started. I have revised my position about the size. Elisa’s comment yesterday not only made me laugh, it made me pause for thought. I knew she was right and I’d end up hating my new ginormous sweater. I was all set to rip it, then I paused for thought again (wow, twice in one day – I need to give the ol' bean a rest) and held it up to an old favorite sweater that I’ve worn so much that it is no longer really wearable (it’s amazing what too much deodorant does to acrylic – it’s gone all funky). Turns out the hoodie is just about the same size, so it’s full steam ahead! I’m using Classic Elite 03 Tweed. The amazing thing is, I’m actually using it for its intended purpose. I actually had this sweater in mind when I bought it. Go me!



Caryn’s comment also got me where it counts. It appears that January is slipping by and the great halls of the Museum are eerily quiet. Rest assured that I’m working on it and I may get it in under the wire. If not, extra treats in February!

Ooh, speaking of extra treats, my company moved and I got an office of my very own! While shopping for refurbished office furniture, I spyed with my little eye this amazing chair. The place we went to had a few pieces of antique office furniture, so this must have been part of someone’s posh lobby at one point. I knew I had to have it. It’s the most comfortable chair in the world and all who touch it with their buttocks fall instantly under its spell. And my mohair shawl looks great on it, doncha think? Audrey Hepburn suits it perfectly. Spongebob is just there to gay the place up a little.



My office is now the hip place to be and everyone wants to lay their cheeks in my chair. Check out the claw feet! They look more like talons, actually.



On the home front, this is pretty much how dinner looks at Chez McYarnpants. Classy, eh? The vultures don’t even wait for the corpse to die. Jon always gets very smug when this happens because they don’t really bother him too much. I know it’s my own fault, but I try to live a life of giving. I have a need to share, I can’t help it. Who knew a few morsels now and again would hurt anyone? I fear that if I die alone in that apartment, only my glasses would remain.



And with that, I will tell you what I found during my archeological dig this morning. Lots of poop and pee. That’s pretty much it. But, and I feel I can share this with you because we’ve grown close over these past few months, I did find something unnerving among the usual artifacts. I’m not going to post it right here. You’ll have to click on Dot to see what she left me. It’s for your own good, trust me. You just never know when your boss will pop around the corner and ask what you’re looking at. This way, you don’t have to say “Stitchy McYarnpants’ cat’s crap”. Not yet, anyway. Also, this is a decision you need to make for yourself. Do you really and truly want to see my cat’s crap? Really?



As you can see, there are distinct stitches visible in the poo. There is some kind of knitted fabric in there. Now, this is not all that surprising given Dot’s peculiar nature, but the unnerving part is that I have no idea what this is a piece of. I can only think of one thing I’ve made with red yarn and it was given to someone as a gift. Jon and I don’t really wear red, and the one red sweater I do have is in a drawer. I can’t think of a single thing in my house that is knitted and red. So either there is some mysterious, forgotten thing in my house that now has a giant hole in it, or Dot has her own stash of yarn and can knit in stockinette with her ass.

Huh.

Hey, don’t blame me if you can finish your lunch, you’re the one who clicked the picture.

43 Comments:

Blogger Miriam said...

*lol* Oh my lord! That's so funny! Is there a chance she spirited away your scrap ends when you were finishing the piece for the friend and added them to her private stash? Maybe you should start searching under bed and in the back corners of closets for it. *hehe* Oh man... Dot just made my day. I guess I have a sick sense of humor.

M

1/28/2005 03:54:00 PM  
Blogger Christie said...

Moreso than seeing your cat attack your knitted goods, I want to see her knit something with her ass! I have to excuse myself from my desk now, as my co-workers think I'm insane when I start laughing at my computer...

1/28/2005 03:56:00 PM  
Blogger Witchypooh Lynne said...

ROFLMAO! Thank you I really needed a good laugh today.

Witchypooh

http://witchpooh.blogspot.com/

1/28/2005 04:11:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dot doesn't look very repentant. I'd say she has that "Despite your best effort you just cannot stop me, I am smarter than you are!" look. Do you swatch? Could be a swatch left around. BTW-I love that chair. Totally in love, if I worked with you, it would not be "your own" office for long!

Teresa C
http:soupgirls.tyepad.com/knittingtheblues

1/28/2005 04:29:00 PM  
Blogger Tamara Lin Shaffer said...

You post some funny ones, but this takes the cake. This gets my vote as my favorite Stitchy McYarnpants post. I relate to this one. I related when you posted Dot's neurosis, and the sad pictures of Santa, but this is so on the spot, Dot, that it's hysterical. Our kitten, Bitsy, ate the ribbing off a *just completed* sock several months ago. Of course at the time we weren't sure which cat had done it, but everything comes out "in the wash", shall we say. The evidence was right there. As is Dot's. Now for the mystery red yarn... Hmmmm.

1/28/2005 04:36:00 PM  
Blogger unravelme said...

Dot looks quite proud of herself for finding such a unique way to give you this gift.

1/28/2005 04:58:00 PM  
Blogger melanie said...

Dear Lord, that is HILARIOUS! I am super grump today and really, *really* needed a picture of stitchy shit to cheer me up. Thanks, lady!

1/28/2005 04:59:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh. My. God. I haven't laughed that hard in ages. And yeah, I was right in the middle of lunch when I clicked that link. There was food on the monitor in short order. Nicely done. Thanks for the best laugh of the day.

-hollyo
http://www.beavercraft.org

1/28/2005 05:06:00 PM  
Blogger Snooze said...

Although I have your blog on my Bloglines list and read you daily, I have not (until today) taken the time to fully peruse your blog. Today my children came running from all directions with the thought that they would have to perform CPR or the Heimlich or somesuch on their mother, so hysterical was the laughter!

As I read your MOKS I almost died! "Hi, Evelyn!" and I was a goner. I've spent the last three hours laughing with tears running down my face. I need to thank you. My blood pressure has been substantially lowered and I have become your fan forever. In my mind (no intent of sacrilege here, folks) you have a gift for writing on a par with the Harlot herself, and need to write a book...

BTW, my daughter was looking at the photo of your cats as they were (patiently) waiting to eat/share your dinner and noted that not only did it look exactly as it does in *our* house at dinner time, but that you seem to be sitting on an identical couch.

1/28/2005 05:44:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe Dot can get on the next segment of Dave Letterman's Stupid Animal Tricks?

June
http://twosheep.livejournal.com

1/28/2005 06:17:00 PM  
Blogger The Fearless Knitter said...

Oh dear gawd. I clicked on the Dots photo. I couldnt help it. It was a very staring-at-a-accident type moment for me, you just can't NOT do it. You know you shouldnt, don't really want to - but do. Doo. Toooo funny. Whats even funnier is that you actually noticed this strangely colored poo. The litter box is a Superman area for me - I'm in there and have it cleaned so fast that noone even knew I was there. Hmmm...red yarn. Maybe, Dot ate white yarn and washed it down with cherry kool aid? It could happen. Oh sure, you can suggest she knits with her ass but I can't say she might have a kool aid thirst? :) As always Mrs Yarnpants....you be toooo funny!

1/28/2005 06:25:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is it wrong that I want to make Dot's poop my wallpaper on my desktop?

Johanna
Jofrog is Knitfrog

1/28/2005 06:34:00 PM  
Blogger jodi said...

That is priceless. My cats will swallow yarn if they get a chance, and back when my hair was long they used to eat any strands they found, and every once in a while it wouldn't all poop out, and the cat in question would run around the house in terror, trying to flee the piece of poop that was still attached to their ass with a piece of hair.

My partner tells me as a child he used to chase his cat around the house trying to step on the tinsel. . .

1/28/2005 08:48:00 PM  
Blogger dragon knitter said...

god, that's just wrong! i would be worried about her eating yarn and it getting bound up inside.
i did laugh though, and my boys are, what's that mom? fortunately timmy turner did something interesting on nickelodeon, and i dodged that bullet. goodness.

1/28/2005 10:01:00 PM  
Blogger Rossana said...

Dot is one heckuva talented feline! Is it possible the yarn was some other color, but the chemical bodily processes caused it to change color??!? Hee hee hee!

1/29/2005 12:19:00 AM  
Blogger julia fc said...

Very very funny.
Especially that Dot may be some kind of living i-cord maker. There's a picture, heh?
This somehow reminds me of a Twin Peaks scene where Audrey was applying to work in a "cat house" (get it?) and impressed the Madame by tying a cherry stem into a knot with her tongue.
It's my subconcious; I don't apologize for it.

1/29/2005 09:26:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can't every cat knit with its ass?
Sonja

1/29/2005 10:47:00 AM  
Blogger Maeve said...

{pausing while I wipe tea off my laptop screen} ... ;)

1/29/2005 11:40:00 AM  
Blogger Anne-Caroline said...

(Rolling on the ground, laughing - was considering not clicking, but when I did, oh man!) And the "peculiar cat" link is just as funny!

1/29/2005 03:51:00 PM  
Blogger Kristen said...

but she looks so innocent! This post reminds me of something we learned about in parasitology: there's a "string" test that can be done to see if anything has invaided/is living in a humans digestive tract...

That pink chair is absolutely stunning! (it's the kind of thing I someday hope to have in my house!)

1/29/2005 04:28:00 PM  
Blogger Elisa said...

I had a cat that had a string stash - I could NEVER find out where she kept it, but every once in a while a new segment of string would appear and then, when that segment was destroyed, I'd find bits in the litter box. Then a brand new segment would appear. Cats are strange.

You got quite a fine shot of Dot's boom boom (as Michelle, of www.orangeyarnplease.blogspot.com would say). ;)

1/29/2005 11:11:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Y'know, I really wasn't gonna click. Really. And then my finger started twitchin' on the mouse n the next thing y'know I'm starin' at stockinette poo. That's just not right. Funny, but not right.

Hilari
Make Me

1/30/2005 01:21:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Too Funny! OK, I have to ask. Out of 4 cats, how did you know just who was the guilty party????! :)

1/30/2005 06:24:00 AM  
Blogger Gina said...

I'm so glad someone else's cat does the same thing! We find rubber bands, hair and yarn all of the time but have yet to document. No need now!

1/30/2005 10:47:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jeez, if only *I* could knit with my ass, I might have a chance of getting this sweater done! That Dot is one talented creature.

Alison C.

1/30/2005 01:53:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would have liked to have seen the kitty-squat-face when she passed _that_.

Oh yeah, your glasses would still be there. But they'd have teeth marks.

knitpixy@yahoo.co.uk

1/31/2005 08:33:00 AM  
Blogger Kimberli said...

Who would've thought that sitting alone in my hotel room in Tokyo after a loooong days work staring at cat poo would have me laughing so hard that I not only nearly fall off my chair - but I have to pass the link to your entry to my fellow knitters in NYC! Thanks for the laugh! LOL!

1/31/2005 10:59:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Dot,
I think we may be long lost cousins. I like to eat paper and perform experiments involving gravity.
Puff - puffhasspoken.blogdrive.com

1/31/2005 01:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Stitchy, I love your site-- brilliant! I'm trying to reach you about something. Could you drop me an email at sarah@sockitprojects.com? This isn't spam or anything, promise. Thanks a bunch, Sarah

2/01/2005 03:32:00 PM  
Blogger Elena said...

Am I the only one who noticed that, in the photo directly above the section where you swear you never wear red, you're wearing a RED sweatshirt?
Don't get me wrong, I still think your blog's the funniest thing going, but I just feel like the trust is gone.

2/01/2005 05:36:00 PM  
Blogger marian said...

that is too freakin' funny! Love reading your blog, great writing and storytelling

2/01/2005 06:34:00 PM  
Blogger Bookish Wendy said...

Good Lord Woman, is there no decency left in the world? Teehee he, this coming from a girl who would have done the same damn thing.

Personally, I'd put the cat to work. Washing machines do wonders these days and think how many giggles you could get out of your most evil nemesis wearing a poop scarf made especially for them!

2/03/2005 09:05:00 AM  
Blogger LauraJ said...

Impressive dye fastness. Not to impugn your kitty, but... could this be acrylic? Maybe she was trying to protect you.

2/04/2005 08:58:00 AM  
Blogger Terri said...

Oh. My. God. With a lead-in like that, how could I -not- click?! Thanks for the laugh!

2/05/2005 12:20:00 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

heh. That was so funny. I even shared with a co-worker.

That is one special cat.

2/07/2005 03:46:00 PM  
Blogger Knitting Painter Woman said...

A very special cat, indeed. Mine, so far is not interested in fiber (or cat treats, for that matter). She wiggles her ass, but doesn't knit with it.

If/when you have time, please tell me how you get your photos to be two deep, i.e., click on cute kitty and find... well, you know... stockinetted turds... I use Picasa... is that the problem.

Thank you.
The shawls and antique chair are lovely.

2/08/2005 11:33:00 PM  
Blogger Pioggia said...

Consider this: The yarn could have changed colors after going through her digestive tract. You never know with these dyes, especially if the yarn is wool or cotton. I don't think acrylics would change colors, though.

2/09/2005 10:40:00 PM  
Blogger thrill_me_mogilny said...

Hey it's mokey from KR. I didn't play click for crap, but your blog is hilarious. Any office with Spongebob is definitely the coolest place to hang!

2/13/2005 03:53:00 AM  
Blogger blah said...

Is Dot related to the goose that laid the golden egg? Maybe she has taken to catnapping other peoples work? Beautiful cats btw, and love the claw feet on the chair. Ahh i will have to tell my sister about this...right up our sick twisted alley... *snickers more* :)

2/13/2005 04:29:00 AM  
Blogger Aine said...

Oh my freaking god, that's the funniest thing I've seen all week.

2/18/2005 01:01:00 AM  
Blogger Aine said...

Oh my freaking god, that's the funniest thing I've seen all week.

2/18/2005 01:01:00 AM  
Anonymous Alex said...

OMG! Thats sooooo funny! When reading that you don't have anything knitted that is red, what came to mind was an act on Jay Leno the other night. He had on a man called the regurgitator who could swallow keyring rings and link them up in his belly, then regurgitate them as a chain. You thinking what I'm thinking? What if your cat has such knitting superpowers with poo!

3/04/2005 03:09:00 PM  
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