Stitchy McYarnpants

Confessions of a husband-neglecting, cat-shooing, yarn-hoarding knitaholic. But in a good way.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

And now a special report from our Action News team!

According to anonymous sources, something very strange happened recently at a local residence. Our investigation team went to work!

The location of the suspicious activity is pictured here. This medium-sized cardboard box was filled to the top with Styrofoam packing peanuts. Impromptu forensic testing proved that these were not the kind of packing peanuts that disintegrate when licked. After getting a glass of water, the investigation continued. There was no forced entry into the box, so it was determined to be an inside job. Someone familiar with the residence and the location of the box was involved.

The scene was graphic in its untidiness. Peanuts were strewn violently at the base of the box. Specialists were called in to study the peanut spatter. No specific patterns could be established, so peanut placement was presumed to be random.

Amazingly, a suspect was found almost immediately. The first 15 minutes of any packing peanut incident are the most important. We were first alerted to the culprit by the conspicuous trail of packing peanuts leading directly to her. She was resistant to questioning and refused to acknowledge us.

Her guilt became painfully obvious when we followed her with our camera. The dry winter air combined with her soft fur would be her undoing in the end. She continued to deny any involvement in the incident and we interviewed a number of suspicious residents who may have been present. All maintained their innocence and disavowed any knowledge of the troubling event.

It wasn’t until we were able to obtain this dramatic crime-scene footage from a nearby security camera that any of them admitted their involvement. All suspects have been detained and will be held for questioning for an unspecified length of time. Absolutely no treats will be issued.


Blogger Christie said...

Forensic Files and CSI's got nothing on you.
I will be watching for the 'E! Dot's Trial Reenactments'. Will the red yarn poo be exhibit number 1?

3/03/2005 01:47:00 PM  
Blogger hockey mom said...

LOL! Lemme guess, this one's name is "Popcorn Ass" or is that "Ghostfart?" (A typical southern name for packing peanuts)

3/03/2005 01:49:00 PM  
Anonymous Sara said...

The popcorn fuzzy butt made me laugh out loud...

3/03/2005 01:54:00 PM  
Blogger Miriam said...

I just barely missed spitting on my computer screen so hard was I holding in my laughter. Thanks!

3/03/2005 02:07:00 PM  
Blogger Anne said...

Oh my god, that made me laugh so hard!! Perfect!

3/03/2005 02:09:00 PM  
Blogger Anne-Caroline said...

You are so funny, McYarnpants! Yet another that I will have to add to my "Blogs that make me LOL" sidebar... If only everyone was as funny as you! :)

3/03/2005 02:12:00 PM  
Blogger June said...

Awesome! Is this Dot again? What a character!


3/03/2005 02:24:00 PM  
Blogger Celia said...

Hee, hee, hee, haw, haw!!! You crack me up, McYarnpants!

3/03/2005 02:28:00 PM  
Blogger Janice in GA said...

OMG, that "Peanuts?? What peanuts??" cattitude cracked me up. Thanks for the hilarious photos.

3/03/2005 02:31:00 PM  
Anonymous andrea said...

oh my, you just keep cracking me up with these cat posts particularly -- the last one with the 'don't click on this photo' gross-out one and now this -- those peanuts sticking to your cat's body...!!!

i love it ~ keep it coming! i'll be chuckling over this all day ;)

3/03/2005 02:38:00 PM  
Blogger carma said...


thank you SO much for this


3/03/2005 02:48:00 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

That's the best laugh I have had all day. I can't get over the cat nonchalantly walking around with peanuts all over its butt! Classic.

3/03/2005 02:49:00 PM  
Blogger --Deb said...

So, there I was, calmly reading along, amused by your creative reporting and then . . . that photo of your cat with styrofoam clinging to the fur . . . too funny! It certainly didn't seem to be bothering him (her?) any!

3/03/2005 03:12:00 PM  
Blogger CrazyFiberLady said...

ROFL. You have me in tears! That was far too funny. Thank you Stitchy!

3/03/2005 03:19:00 PM  
Anonymous Emily said...

Snort, giggle, snort. Oh Stitchy, I was just getting over the red-yarn-poo incident!!! That is too too funny. Thank you for that great laugh!

3/03/2005 03:42:00 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Thank you so much for the laugh today. That was just priceless!

3/03/2005 04:22:00 PM  
Blogger erica said...

That is absolutely the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. Aren't kitties great? They never admit to any wrongdoing. :)

3/03/2005 04:32:00 PM  
Blogger Marlena said...

Your blog is a RIOT. I almost fell out of my chair when I first spied those peanuts stuck on that cat.

3/03/2005 04:37:00 PM  
Blogger alice said...

i need to make sure any and all beverages are far from me when i read your posts. damn dr. pepper on my monitor... hah.

3/03/2005 05:00:00 PM  
Blogger Rossana said...

Next stop: Cat Court TV! HAH HAH HAH! Great video and narration! Thanks for the laughter!

3/03/2005 05:32:00 PM  
Blogger knitkatgirl said...

This is great! I have 3 cats and things like this only true cat lovers can relate to and truly admire. Thanks for your wonderful humor!

3/03/2005 06:07:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is now the second time that one of your pictures has become my desktop wallpaper! What a fun story, you continue to ammuse me!

Jofrog is Knitfrog

3/03/2005 08:19:00 PM  
Anonymous Margot said...


That's brilliant.

BTW, I have a cat who EATS the potato startch peanuts [the kind that dissolve in water]. She's even woken me up whilst munching on them if I've been negligent in leaving a box of them in my BR!

3/03/2005 09:55:00 PM  
Blogger Jane said...

OMG, MIL and I both laughed till the tears came. Wonderful.

3/03/2005 10:53:00 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

If only humans were capable of the unflappable audacity of a cat. You go with your bad self Dot! The world is your playground!

3/03/2005 11:47:00 PM  
Blogger Tracy said...

Priceless, you can almost here pussy saying, "What?!!"

3/04/2005 08:33:00 AM  
Blogger Kathy said...

Now my husband knows why I love knitting blogs. A great laugh on a lousy march day. I too hate March. (its becoming a BIG problem) I think one reason we hate March is the old Lent thing.....

Beware those Ides of March.....

3/04/2005 09:29:00 AM  
Blogger Heide said...

Too freaking hilarious. I thought my cats were pretty funny, but they have *nothing* on your little fuzzers. I know I should be more sympathetic and hope for your case that Dot gets a little less crazy, but I have to admit that I don't hope that at all! I love this stuff! :)

3/04/2005 12:03:00 PM  
Anonymous Alex said...

LOL! Soooo cute! You should make postcards of that!

3/04/2005 03:10:00 PM  
Anonymous vicki said...

OMG that is so hilarious, isn't just like a kitty. so did she ever "admit" her guilt? thanks for making my day, as having a downer day and laughed so hard that i have tears running down my face, daughter came up and asked me whats wrong mom, had her read it, and she to cracked have the proof, i agree, no treats!!! awww just kidding, kitty was just playing right? hehehehe, thanks again

3/04/2005 03:17:00 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I laughed out loud, and doubled over when I saw the cat's butt covered in them. Highly entertaining!

3/04/2005 05:12:00 PM  
Anonymous Ryan said...

Reminds me of the time my friend's dog ate an entire bag of Cheetos and then tried to feign innocence. Unfortunately for the dog, he was a black lab and his muzzle was liberally sprinkled with orange powder. No one was fooled for an instant.

Wonderful, wonderful photos! Made my afternoon.

3/04/2005 05:27:00 PM  
Anonymous Petra said...

OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!

3/04/2005 05:51:00 PM  
Blogger mayflwr said...

yeah so i dont wanna be a broken record....but OH LORD that absolutely made my day!!!! (and my day definitely did need a makin' ;)) thanks soooo much for posting this!!!!!!!!!

3/05/2005 11:16:00 PM  
Anonymous starbright57 said...

How could you hold the camera still??!! I'd be laughing so hard the pictures would be blurred. Loved your story...still laughing!

3/06/2005 12:26:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Really hilarious !
Thanks for these funny pictures !

3/06/2005 05:16:00 AM  
Anonymous B. said...

Love your funny funny blog, but I have trouble reading it. What you type as an apostrophe displays as an accented A followed by a pound sign, followed by a trademark symbol. so you are typing "wasn't" and I am reading "wasnâß™nt". Is this an anti-Mac thing?

3/06/2005 09:30:00 PM  
Blogger Laura.Y said...

oh, that is just so funny!!! lol. Thanks for making my day! Reminds me of my furkid's antics sometimes. But it's nowhere as funny as urs.

3/07/2005 01:26:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whew.. laughing so hard over here my dad came over to ask what was wrong..

3/12/2005 02:06:00 PM  
Blogger Phyllis said...

That is hilarious! I have cats so I know that was not a setup!!

6/26/2005 10:42:00 AM  
Blogger LisaPrit said...

I laughed so loud at the front desk of the library where I work that a patron ssshhshhh-ed me!

11/18/2005 04:41:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i find that a spin in the dryer with an fabric softener sheet really helps relieve my static cling. my kitty is not so hot on the idea though.


4/08/2006 10:35:00 PM  
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