Stitchy McYarnpants

Confessions of a husband-neglecting, cat-shooing, yarn-hoarding knitaholic. But in a good way.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Arrest Me!

From this article about Martha's Amazing Monochromatic Dream Poncho:

"On Monday, Stewart told her employees that the poncho was made by an unidentified fellow inmate who crochets about 12 hours a day using yarn from the prison commissary."

Am I the only one trying to think of a harmless way to get a cool 8-10 years without having to hurt anyone? Well, I may be willing to hurt someone a little . . . you know, depending on what kind of yarn they have in the commissary.


Blogger monkeemaven said...

Bump off Martha Stewart. Technically you'd have hurt a person, but I don't think it's morally wrong since she doesn't have a sould.

3/09/2005 07:47:00 PM  
Blogger Colette said...

I think it is homespun - I couldn't knit that yarn 10 hours a day - that would be punishment.

3/09/2005 07:57:00 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Heck - I'd settle for a slap on the wrist 6 month vacation! How come you can't take knitting needles on planes but they will let a prison full of proven "offenders" have sharp sticks? Things that make you go hmmm......

3/09/2005 08:40:00 PM  
Anonymous chris said...

Hmmm, I think Martha may need to be sent back to prison for wearing that hideous thing!

And yeah, what is up with a prisoner having 12 hours free to crochet? Unless crocheting ugly ponchos is part of her sentence . . .

3/09/2005 10:01:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hear you on being jealous! I got a full day of knitting this week for the first time in ages. I knit until my wrist hurt and then I knit some more. Years of that, even months... um sign me up. Of course I'm sure I'm way too much of a yarn snob to use prison commissary yarn, but I've got yarn friends on the outside.

Jofrog is Knitfrog

3/09/2005 10:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I saw that thing and I thought that it's any day now that we're going to be seeing a new magazine from Martha:
Everyday Yarn, featuring many many objects to be lauded by our beloved Stitchy.
julia fc

3/10/2005 12:05:00 AM  
Blogger Madame D said...

Okay, I want to do some white collar crime so I can go to Club Fed, too, so I can knit 12 hours a day.
Stupid punishments.

3/10/2005 03:12:00 AM  
Blogger jenifleur said...

You know I live nearly every day in danger of hurting someone so I figure it's only a matter of time, really. I'm glad to know that there's yarn in there, though. Hell, I've considered the joint just so I could get out of having to ever write another resume. I hope I can make things other than ponchos, though-they aren't my cup of tea.

3/10/2005 03:49:00 AM  
Blogger Elabeth said...

Well, if you want to end up in a min. security facility like Martha went to (those are the only prisons where they'll let you sit around and crochet 12 hours a day - part of which is making blankets for the homeless as community service and piecework for companies who pay the state for the prisoner's labor.) you would have to do some sort of white collar crime. I suggest hot checks or credit card fraud.
Be aware that they will NOT let you knit. Knitting needles are too dangerous. (Crochet hooks aren't as easy to stab people with.) Also, I read the only yarns they have available are Homespun, Carron Simply Soft, and Red Hart.

3/10/2005 12:18:00 PM  
Blogger Rebekah said...

I repeatedly ask the officers at the courthouse (which I'm at nearly everyday of my life) to arrest me on false charges and put me in solitary confinement. So far they haven't obliged, if I ever succeed, I'll let you know how.

Oh and Happy Anniversary, Happy Anniversary to you, you both look like monkies and you smell like them too.

My families favorite song. Completely unoriginal, I know.

3/10/2005 12:46:00 PM  
Anonymous jamie said...

I can NOT believe the hoopla over this freaking poncho! Apparently a whole bunch of people were asking lion brand for the pattern... most ever. GEESH!!

3/11/2005 09:27:00 PM  
Blogger Minxxy said...

never mind the horrid poncho, what did Martha do? I'm from the Uk and haven't got a clue!

3/12/2005 05:20:00 AM  
Blogger katya said...

You can take knitting needles on airplanes now. Last time I was on an airplane I had three pairs of needles in my carry-on bag and the inspectors didn't bat an eyelash.

3/12/2005 06:59:00 PM  
Anonymous Rachel Evans said...

From a friend's personal experience, I know that the other place one spends an inordinate amount of time doing handicrafts is either drug rehab or minimum security psych wards. Hey, a good way to get in some good knitting time with no criminal record involved! Just something to think about...

3/20/2005 12:24:00 PM  
Blogger Kitten said...

don't do it sweets you know all they have is some red heart...not worth it.

3/22/2005 10:22:00 AM  
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