Stitchy McYarnpants

Confessions of a husband-neglecting, cat-shooing, yarn-hoarding knitaholic. But in a good way.

Monday, August 22, 2005

. . .and now, a special message from Stitchy

I just thought you should know.

And as we begin our long, potentially annoying week, let’s all take a moment to thank our lucky stars that our choice is no longer limited to “mammoth-sized” or the sleek new “is that a pony in your pants or are you having your period?". Observe how neatly they fold up. It's almost as easy as folding a phone book! Sisters, I think we can all agree that those dark times were MaxiBad.

Now let's all put on some white pants and go horseback riding. Whaddaya say? Who's with me?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Remember too, prior to those mammoth maxi-thins there were BELTS and pads with long tails on them to hook into the belts. Thankfully I missed out on that but YUCK.

8/22/2005 08:42:00 AM  
Blogger Stitchy McYarnpants said...

How could I forget. I missed those days, too, but my mom never let me forget the menstrual misery her generation withstood. I shudder to think about her mother telling her how lucky she was with the convenience and comfort of that new-fangled system of belts and loops. bleh.

8/22/2005 08:48:00 AM  
Blogger Brenda said...

De-lurking to say thanks for starting my day with a good snort! I choked on my coffee when I launched my browser and there popped up Laxative Lady in all her glory! *whew* i'm all sweaty from laughing!!

8/22/2005 09:29:00 AM  
Anonymous Lee Ann said...

Oh god. The pony in the pants. Yeek.

Some of them are still thick (I don't know who uses them, but they still exist), only now they come with wings...pair that baby with a tampon and you've got yourself a freaking unicorn.

(Excuse me...I think I need to take my PMS into a dark corner somewhere and subdue the crap out of it with a cold cloth on the head and a glass of wine...)

8/22/2005 10:09:00 AM  
Blogger claudia said...

Indeed. With ya.

Always hoping that the annoying part won't ripen past "potential".

8/22/2005 11:05:00 AM  
Blogger IndigoMuse said...

OMG, those things were awful. I remember that there was no way to stealthfully sneak them down the hall in your pocket when you had to go to the bathroom in school. And wondering if every boy on the planet knew that you had your period because of that pony in your pants. Eeek!


8/22/2005 11:12:00 AM  
Anonymous melanie said...

To Tanya's point, I can now walk to the bathroom at work with a tampon in my hand and no one is the wiser. Love being a modern woman.

8/22/2005 11:28:00 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

HAHAAAA! Those are great!

8/22/2005 11:43:00 AM  
Blogger Miriam said...

those "Maxithins" look like the Kotex they still sell in the dispensers at work! ACK! Give me Always Thin Maxi with Wings ANYDAY!

8/22/2005 12:16:00 PM  
Anonymous June said...

Oh man... Even I remember the belts!

Btw, did David Rakoff inspire your blog name? (I was reading "Fraud" and came across his musings about how he's always cast to play "Jewy McHebrew" and "Fudgey McPacker.")

8/22/2005 12:46:00 PM  
Blogger Gina said...

Boy, would I love to join you. I'm feeling the bloat of running behind/off schedule. I should just wear some white pants, don't pack any "product" in my bag, and you know it will make it's debut!

8/22/2005 12:53:00 PM  
Blogger Martita said...

Your girlfriend there looks like she's trying not to throw up. Seriously, she's working the muscles on either side of her mouth...weird.

My mom told me about pads, but didn't see any reason to expose me to them, since the ingenious invention of tampons had made them unnecessary. The thing you have to know is my mom was really, really old-fashioned, so much so that she thought only tarts wore nail polish (forbidden in our house) and hussies had pierced ears. That's how much she hated her generation's version of sanitary pads.

8/22/2005 01:14:00 PM  
Anonymous martha said...

I love menopause.

8/22/2005 01:18:00 PM  
Blogger sarah said...

Wow! I never thought I would say this, but I love tampons!

8/22/2005 03:54:00 PM  
Blogger Micky said...

Did anyone else have the little class just for girls? I was in elementary school then. I thought it was neat. They showed us a little movie and gave us the little booklets. And you could order the beginner kit. The one that had a little of everything in it so you could try it all. Of course I never got the kit. I was so proud, I showed my little booklets to my grandmother. Boy was that a mistake. She just thought it wrong that they were telling us this in school. Yeah like anyone else was gonna tell me.
But then I never got the sex talk either. Wonder where that movie and booklet got to?

8/22/2005 06:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

to lee ann: i have always found tequila on ice to be most effective...

to tanya: it goes in your sock, under your pantleg--or in your waistband, or up your cuff, a la granny's hankie...

8/22/2005 07:27:00 PM  
Blogger Dani said...

When I had my first period, my family lived way out in the country and we were new in the area. My mom stopped at the first place she could find to get supplies, which billed itself as a "superette". She didn't look closely at the box when she was buying it so she was surprised to find the old-fashioned pads with long tails for the belt. This was the early 1980s, mind you. I think I ended up using double-stick tape until she could find another store.

8/22/2005 09:39:00 PM  
Anonymous Julia said...

I love the expression on that woman's face, like she found out she couldn't take strong laxatives that very minute! LOL!

8/23/2005 02:29:00 AM  
Blogger The Stitchin' Sheep said...

You've got me in tears! Hilarious. And, about the belts... before my time, as well, but my grandmother had bought me a pair of panties at a garage sale (mmm, don't ask) when I was about eight. I took them to my mom to ask what the clips inside were. Her reaction was something I'll remember the rest of my life. Needless to say, they went straight in the trash.

8/23/2005 01:34:00 PM  
Blogger stephanie said...

Are you there God? It's me Margaret. -- anyone remember that?

I'm only 35 and I remember my mom using the thong version - the "sanitary belt" as it were. I still shudder.

Thank you, God for the woman who invented "Instead!"

8/23/2005 08:18:00 PM  
Blogger Diane said...

What makes you think thats its a mans world???....Hmmm i wonder who invents all of these towels etc?But i bet ya bottom dollar as usual its a man!...When oh when will a man have a period?They damn well have everything else TEE HEE(evil thought)...i bet theres a very clever lady working on that one right now!Please God :)....and the menopause..YUK!i think i'm having it...LOL it's a case of who am i ?where am i???BTW i Do remember those awful Dr Whites towels with loops and a belt ...similar to walking astride a log...YUK!i'm blushing as i try to forget :0)I think the laxative lady looks slightly anally retentive...or maybe shes hoping nobody gets in her way to the loo!

8/24/2005 06:28:00 AM  
Blogger yarnspin said...

Yeah... I have friends who still use pads, even though you might as well stick a mattress in your panties! Of course, these are the same friends who are still sleeping in a single bed years after leaving college, so who knows...

8/24/2005 02:05:00 PM  
Blogger stephanie said...

In case anyone is interested...

8/24/2005 02:42:00 PM  
Blogger dragon knitter said...

gee, this would be funny if it weren't for the fact that i'm dealing with it right now. i remember the belted pads (shudder). my mom used them, and when i first got my period, she gave me them. as soon as i could talk her into it, we went sansabelt. and yes, of course i was wearing white pants at a pep rally my junior year, and guess who showed up? sigh.

8/24/2005 09:07:00 PM  
Anonymous Kathy said...

Ahh, yes I do remember the days of belts and pads. Horrible! Horrible! As a friend used to say, it's like having a loaf of bread between your legs!

Tampons have made life much better. Yay Tampax!

8/25/2005 08:53:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Hello laides - very, very amusing comments. BTW: I work for a large U.S. manufacturer of sanitary napkins (would rather not say which). Here are some interesting facts, based on our recent Q3 2005 survery of 9,000+ women:

71% of women use some sort of pad with or without a tampon, at least 1 day during their period.

54% of women prefer thick pads vs. ultra thin (despite 6+ years of intense marketing of ultra thin).

Sales of sanitary belts and the pads that go with them (with the tabs) have tripled in the past 5 years among 19-34 age group, to be about 3% of pad sales now (up from 1% in 2000).

The last fact is the most interesting to our company and so we dug in deeper on a re-survey of those respondents using the belts and asked "why"? Here are the answers, in order:
- Hold in place/don't move around
- Won't stick to my body
- Hold closer/better protection
- Can wear without underwear if I choose.
- Cheaper
- Won't stick to themselves
- Can re-position easily for better protection.


12/24/2005 02:38:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a male I remember discovering Dr Whites in 1961. A friend of mine started having her periods just before her 12 birthday. She wore one of those panties with a plasic insert and two hooks.
Years later I was dating a girl at University and when she was having a period alos wearing a belt and towel as sex was off limits I would irritate her by pulling the belt which would snare on her pubic hair.

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