Stitchy McYarnpants

Confessions of a husband-neglecting, cat-shooing, yarn-hoarding knitaholic. But in a good way.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Welp. I’m back.

I’m back from a fantastic European vacation and I couldn’t be more despondent. I’ve been walking around with the imprint of a keyboard on my forehead all day, not from falling asleep on my laptop, but from banging my head on it. Why am I in an office with fluorescent lighting and a dismal view of rain-soaked highway when I could be frolicking in the sunny countryside of southern Spain, basking in a sweeping landscape that’s dotted with olive trees as far as the eye can see? Granted, it’s very hilly there, and with all that frolicking comes wheezing and gasping for air due to my complete and utter lack of physical fitness. But once freed from the bondage of office life, I’d be a fine specimen, wouldn’t I? Sitting on one’s arse and staring at a computer screen all day does not exactly prepare one for such mysterious wonders like “fresh air” and “strenuous walks”, does it?

But I’ll focus on the positives of being back. It was good to get home after such a long time away. I missed Jon and the cats and everyone at home. It’s always fun to come back from vacation to rediscover the life you left behind for a short while. You know how when you’ve been away, even the most familiar sights seems new and a little different? Yeah. I could have sworn our house had a functional porch and front stairs when I left. And I have no recollection of that bright red sign on the front door that says "DANGEROUS BUIDLING" on it. But it looks like I was mistaken, for this is what we were greeted by upon our homecoming.

Huh. It’s so funny, I don’t remember leaving rubble and a smattering of car parts in our front yard when we headed off to the airport. And I sure as heck don’t recall placing a large clump of our porch’s foundation on top of our Bathtub Mary statue.

Must be the jet lag. Either that or a carload of drunken teenagers in a Lincoln! Yep, it seems that although we live one house away from a stop sign, stopping was not on the agenda. Going fast enough to destroy a cement and stone foundation while 50 feet from a stop sign, now that’s more like it! Here are some photos of the night in question, without the safety drawbridge a contractor had to put up. Note the giant slabs of brick, slate and concrete which have been pushed aside like novelty foam rocks from the souvenir shop at Carlsbad Caverns. Take time to admire the regal columns of the porch as they swing like a couple of loose teeth in a toddler’s gaping maw. We may not have ancient ruins like they do in Spain, but we’ve got perfectly good modern ruins right here at home, thank you very much.

Actually, we were aware that the accident had taken place, so it wasn’t a total shock, but still, there's nothing like coming home and finding your front yarn cordoned off by yellow tape. I had spoken to Jon on the second day of vacation (my birthday, coincidentally), and he told us all about it. Earlier that day, I fell during one of those sunny, hilly walks and gave myself a black eye. My sunglasses hit me in the face on impact with the pavement. But because it was my birthday, the innkeepers gave us all some sparkling wine, and despite the days’ events, it was a great birthday.

I sent you all a postcard, which Melanie was kind enough to post. If you haven’t seen it yet, check it out! Also, take a look at her work-in-progress. It’s one hell of a craft project. Full of demony goodness!

More on the actual vacation later, I just wanted to pop in, say hi and hit you with a little drama to get your attention. In a day or two, I'll give you the more tranquil version of our vacation in Spain and how it's citizens and architecture were affected by the Spanish Inquisition. But it went a little something like this: Halleluiah! WHUMP! SMASH! BOOM! AAAAAARGH!!!

But seriously, I did have a great time and I'll share my photos once I'm done uploading and labeling them.

*I should add that no one was hurt in the great Car vs. House debacle, although our neighbor who happened to be walking up the street had to leap into some bushes to escape being hit and she got scraped up a little.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh. My. God. or, in Spanish, Holy Frijoles! Um, welcome back? Glad to hear you had a good time, and please tell me the play with Mr. McGregor was fab and he was wonderously hunky.


11/22/2005 01:43:00 PM  
Anonymous Carole said...

Glad to know you had a great time and I loved the postcard. Sorry that the homecoming was less than idyllic but that'll teach you for going away and leaving us behind.

11/22/2005 02:24:00 PM  
Anonymous Cara said...

Holy crap! That's some kind of homecoming. I hope the bonehead teens are okay enough to be ripped a new one. You seem in very good spirits considering the end of vacation and house destruction - Spain can do that to a person!

Happy belated birthday! Loved the postcard. Thanks!

11/22/2005 02:31:00 PM  
Blogger Fiber Fetish said...

The inquisiiiiition (let's begin)
The inquisiiiiition (look out sin)
We have a miiiision to convert the Jews (Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew)

Holy crap Stitchy! I'll bet you didn't think you were going to come home the ruins of the Coliseum, did you?

Damn kids...

11/22/2005 02:41:00 PM  
Blogger maryse said...

cake or death

jesus i'm so sorry about the destruction. that sucks. and like cara said, i hope the kids are ok so you can kill them yourself.

happy birthday and thanks for the postcard. that was awesome.

11/22/2005 02:43:00 PM  
Anonymous Laurie said...

Yikes. Glad people types are okay, but this is a royal PITA. Happy to hear the vacation was wonderful. We are contemplating Spain next year...I guess that would be a yes vote from you.

11/22/2005 03:10:00 PM  
Blogger noricum said...

Wow... you, un, *had* a lovely house.

11/22/2005 03:57:00 PM  
Blogger ErLeCa said...

If that's what happens when you go to Spain, I suggest never leaving again!

11/22/2005 04:06:00 PM  
Anonymous melanie said...


DEBBIE! That sucks! You haven't mentioned that at all since Friday?? I'm so sorry!

What a pain in the ass.

Happy freakin' birthday indeed.

11/22/2005 04:13:00 PM  
Blogger spaazlicious said...

Who's up for a letter-writing campaign to our congresspersons on creating a constitutional amendment banning Lincolns and teenagers? Anyone? Just me?

Oh. Well, your house is/was/will be lovely, and if this is some sort of karmic balancing for the beauty and fun of Spain, at least it's out of the way now.

11/22/2005 04:27:00 PM  
Blogger chelsea said...

holy frijoles is right! Whatta drag of a homecoming... I haven't even *gone* to Spain, and the flourescent lights make me a little loopy. :)

Can't wait for the pics!

11/22/2005 04:32:00 PM  
Anonymous B. said...

Well yeah, your house IS a "Dangerous Building" because it is right in the way if you don't stop at that sign.

11/22/2005 04:44:00 PM  
Anonymous monkeemaven said...

OUCH! How dramatic - with crime scene tape and everything! We didn't get any of that when a pickup came through our front wall last Christmas. :(

(looks like your link to my blog is a bit outdated - next time you're poking in your sidebar, could it be updated from to ? :) )

11/22/2005 04:53:00 PM  
Anonymous Lee Ann said...

I would guess, then, that all plans to knit a porch cover are off...

Welcome home, and I'm sorry to hear that police tape was part of the homecoming. That well and truly sucks. The no-olives thing, too.

11/22/2005 05:08:00 PM  
Anonymous stephanie said...

omg! what a welcome home! That's so awful.

11/22/2005 06:21:00 PM  
Blogger Mary said...

Welcome back! And what a beautiful house you used to have! ;-) Seriously, here's hoping that it gets all fixed up in no-time, with minimal impact on you guys.

11/22/2005 07:52:00 PM  
Blogger natasha said...

first, not only does your house rock, but it WAS ROCKED! woah! a drunken neighber drove from two doors away into their neighbors house and made their porch fall in. how do you even get going that fast from two houses down? ay ay ay.

happy frickin birthday.

11/22/2005 08:30:00 PM  
Blogger Fiber Fetish said...

I'm wondering how much Red Heart it's going to take to fix all THAT....

11/22/2005 10:20:00 PM  
Blogger JustApril said...

Whoa Nelly! Can we say apply brakes? I guess not. Welcome back, missed ya =)

11/22/2005 11:18:00 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

that is horrible! i don't even know what i'd do if i came home from vacation and saw my porch mangled by some careless drivers. hope everything get fixed up soon!

11/22/2005 11:20:00 PM  
Blogger KathyMarie said...

Holeee Crap! Glad to know that you're in one piece, and will post more about Spain (Spain!) soon! Good to have you back.

11/23/2005 08:19:00 AM  
Blogger The Stitchin' Sheep said...

Love the little knitterly typo there: "your front yarn". Got a good giggle from that one... we really are obsessed with our hobby.

11/23/2005 08:39:00 AM  
Blogger littlelixie said...

Wowsers - loved the typo too! Hope you get a chance to destress and that the black eye clears up soon x

11/23/2005 12:10:00 PM  
Blogger TheBunny said...

Now call me crazy, but it seems like the teenagers should be cleaning up the yard and working their tookases off to pay for this. What happened to the olden days when people were actually responsible for what they did and had to clean up their own mess instead of contractors and insurance agents?

At the very least you should get to go back to Spain until everything is fixed. THAT is what the insurance should go towards. Your suffering.

Will insurance also buy you a boatload of merino and alpaca? I'm sure your suffering would be lessened by that too.

11/23/2005 12:57:00 PM  
Anonymous Maisie (the shamazing lady) said...

Wow. That whole house thing really sucks. I think they should rebuild what they destroyed and buy you some really expensive cashmere while they're at it. Yup, that should cover it.

11/23/2005 01:25:00 PM  
Blogger claudia said...

So, your house was involved in a car accident and you had to go back to work.


You totally win in the pity party contest of the day. I wish there was a prize.


11/23/2005 05:45:00 PM  
Blogger Kathy said...

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

11/23/2005 06:20:00 PM  
Anonymous Donyale said...

Holy Crap! Holy Frijoles! Bloody Hell Maaaaate. That's rough (nice bit of Aussie lingo for you) what a photo.

11/25/2005 04:25:00 PM  
Blogger Bookish Wendy said...

Poor Bathtub Mary. I mean really, she's the one we should be worried about here, isn't she? Who else will keep your house holy and all that shit?

Happy Belated Ms. Stitchy...

11/26/2005 10:37:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi! Could you tell where you got the pattern for your filet crochet cat curtains? They are way too cute! Thanks bunches!!

11/27/2005 12:31:00 AM  
Blogger Cari said...

Well...crap. Not at all what I'd want to come home to. But...uh...welcome back anyway.

11/28/2005 01:47:00 PM  
Blogger Sneaksleep said...

Well, that certainly bites. But selfishly, we're all glad to have you back!

11/29/2005 04:38:00 PM  
Blogger Knitting Painter Woman said...

Belated birthday wishes... So glad that you survived the battle of the pavement and the sunglasses. A little bubbly can really help, I think. And also relieved that the crime-scene tape wasn't a total surprise. I hope that contractors in your neck of the woods can get things fixed up and weatherproofed before the snow is any deeper. Oh, and that the kids (or their families) have excellent insurance. Jeez. Remind me to sleep in the BACK of the house.

12/01/2005 02:27:00 AM  
Anonymous PuppyMomma said...

Oh Stitchy, we missed ya.

Sorry they didn't miss your house....

12/03/2005 01:22:00 AM  
Blogger Kristen said...

oh my. I'm glad you're back in one piece and am sorry that you returned home to the scene of an accident. That just doesn't seem right, on many, many levels, even though I'm glad no one got hurt.

(one of my first thoughts was "what in the world would I do if I was housesitting somewhere and *that* happened." Is it better to know about it while on vacation or better to wait and learn about it once home again?)

12/03/2005 01:59:00 PM  
Blogger PURLPOWER said...

Cool pics Stitchy, I'm off to Andalucia for Christmas with my pals out there (did you notice how many Brits there are out there?!)
Glad you enjoyed London too, did you find any bargain Rowan?

12/10/2005 04:44:00 AM  
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